This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up spit-up laced with hot dogs, birthday cake, and fruit juice saying, “It’s OK honey, Mommy’s here.”

Who have walked around the house all night with their babies when they kept crying and wouldn’t stop.

This is for all the mothers who have shown up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who have run carpools and made dozens of cookies for school teas and sewn Halloween costumes.

And all the mothers who haven’t because they are at work trying to earn enough to keep on top of the bills.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see.

And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes and all their love.

This is for all the mothers who have sat on cold metal bleachers at hockey, baseball or soccer games instead of watching from their cars, so that when their kids asked, “Did you see me?” they could say, “Of course, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” and meant it.

This is for all the mothers who have yelled at their kids in the grocery store and swatted them in despair when they stomped their feet, like a tired two-year-old does who wants ice cream before dinner, and then hated themselves for “losing” it.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children to explain all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn’t.

For all the mothers who read Goodnight, Moon twice a night for a year. And then read it again. “Just one more time.”

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who taught their sons to cook and sew and their daughters to be brave and strong. (And sink a jump shot.)

This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls “Mom?” in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home or grown up.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they’d be just fine once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. And they do.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, and who can’t find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips, sometimes until they bleed, when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.

What makes a good Mother anyway?
Is it patience?
Compassion?
Broad hips?

The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it the heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

Or the terror in your heart at 1 a.m. when your teenager with the new driver’s license is an hour late getting home?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Or to feel the dull ache as you look in on your sleeping daughter or son the night before they leave for a college in another city?

The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

For all the mothers of the victims of all the school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for mothers who have tearfully placed flowers and teddy bears on their children’s graves. Whose children have died from illness, accidents and the worst of all and hardest to comprehend, suicides.

This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.

And mature mothers who have learned and are still learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Grandmothers whose wisdom and love remains a constant for their grown children and their children’s children.

~ Author Unknown

How many times have you said, “My husband makes me so mad!” or something similar? Chances are that you might have said that a lot in your life. It is the easiest way to convey what we are feeling at the time. It is simpler to blame others, because then we do not have to ask, “Why did I choose to be mad”. The truth is that no one can make us feel anything that we do not chose to. No one can “make us” do anything.

Sometimes we are on autopilot not consciously choosing our emotional responses; it is just an automatic. We all have patterns that we fall into and that pattern often has an automatic responses coupled with it. Most of the time these patterns are used defensively as a way to avoid unwanted feelings or situations.

For example, a person that wants to avoid feeling let down all the time may use an emotional response of being disbelieving at the hopes of good events. Choosing to be disbelieving, is used to keep that person from feeling excited or hopeful it is used as a defense mechanism, “because if I do not believe that it’s going to happen then I will not have to feel let down if it doesn’t.”

Patterns stay patterns even when no longer needed to shield us from the unwanted, until we chose to break them. If you have a pattern that you need to break, the first step is recognizing it and working on it from there.

Do you have a pattern that you want to break? What is it?

Ask yourself, “Why am I choosing this pattern?” and “What will I gain from breaking this pattern?”

Do not let negative patterns prevent you from moving towards something that you want in your life. Get to the core of what caused this pattern and then make the choice to move on in your life without it.

When you start to understand why you make the emotional responses and start breaking negative patterns, you will have a better understanding about who you are and what you really want in your life.

Maybe the kids playing on the playground chanting, “You can’t make me!”, actually have it right. Start to get to know the “why” behind your emotional responses. Identify your patterns and always remember you have the power of choice. Then like those kids on the playground you can proudly say, “You can’t make me, either!”

© Copyright 2006 Tonya Ramsey

Time management is a big concern for a lot of people. I keep hearing, “There are just not enough hours in the day…” or “Where does my time go?” Face it we all live busy lives. Work, family, and other commitments keep us all hopping. To utilize better time management, it’s important to recognize what the specific problems are. Is it not having enough time for you or your family? Do you feel that you are wasting time by excessive driving? Maybe you are not sure where all your time is going and just want to account for it. Or you could have a full schedule that you are having a hard time keeping up with. Whatever the reason, time is a precious resource that most of us need to use to its fullest.

The most important step in time management is evaluating our schedules. On a sheet of paper write up a “typical” week for you, by looking at your current schedule you will be able to identify places where better time management could be use. Ask yourself why you are feeling unsatisfied with your schedule? Make a list of what you want to change and what you want to make room for. Do you want more time to peruse interests? More time to be with your children? Or just more time to get everything done?

After you have done this take a piece of paper and draw three columns. In the first column put a list of all appointments, events, or commitments that are “set in stone”, things that take place at a set time and happen daily, weekly or monthly. Such as work, club meetings, or standing doctor’s appointments. In the second column put “flexible” tasks or commitments that can be done around your “set in stone” commitments, such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, or having lunch with a friend. In the third column put those “occasional” appointments, doctor appointments, a school play, or an old friend coming into town (or anything that does not fall into the other two columns).

Then using a calendar (preferably one with large spaces for the days) Or use a notebook and label each page a day or two (depending on how much you are trying to accomplish daily or weekly.) Start putting in the items from your three columns, starting with the items that are “set in stone” then the items that are occasional, leave the “flexible” items to last since you are able to put them in around the other things.

The objective is to balance out your days and to maximize your time. Why make a separate trip to the pharmacy when it is on your way to your son’s soccer practice? I always try to plan appointments in the same area on the same day, this reduces my travel time and gets the most out of my day.

The biggest thing to consider is: Are you doing too much? No matter how well time is

managed there is such a thing as an overload of commitments. Time management is not just about structuring your week so that you can get everything accomplished. It is about creating a manageable schedule that will give you time for the important things in life. So, before looking at your time management skills look at what you are trying to juggle.

Include things that you want to do but just don’t seem to have time for in your day.

What is the sense of managing your time better just to fit in more work? A part of time management is balancing so that you can have time to enjoy the fun stuff in life too.

If you are so booked solid that you can not schedule an hour and a half of quality family time, an hour of time with your significant other, and at least at the very minimum 30 minutes – 45 minutes of time for yourself then you have too much on your plate and it is time to ask for help to relieve yourself of some commitments. Being run down and worn-out will not assist you in better time management, in fact it will hinder it.

© Copyright 2005 Tonya Ramsey

The evolution of women seems to have come full circle. It was less than two generations ago that it was rare that a woman held a job, let alone her own business. It was less than twenty years ago that women slowly made their way into the workforce, some out of necessity and some out of wanting a career outside of the home. Women have since bridged the gap of working outside the home and staying home with their children by starting their own home-based business or even taking advantage of the new trend of telecommuting. The goal of working from home is to combine being able to stay at home with children and yet maintaining a career. It seems that this would be the best of both worlds yet; finding a balance to pull off working from home while juggling raising children is no easy task.

I relish the time that I get with my son. I love being able to start my day hearing his happy chatter over a leisurely breakfast, but it is not always the greatest. I found challenges as I transitioned to working at home. The first one was the adjustment period. I was not use to being able to flex my time, I was use to structure – start work at 8:00 am and work until 4:00 pm.

Not only was I struggling to working out my schedule to maximize my time while allowing for the flexibility that drew me to working at home, but my son had some adjusting to do as well. He was accustomed to daycare and sitters during the day. Now, he had mommy home all day long and he equated that with playing with mommy all day long. When it was time for him to play in his custom play yard while I tried to get some work, my little angel, my heart, my happy little 1 year old, threw his first officially 1 year old tantrum. After a couple weeks of unproductive time spent trying to get work done while dealing with a very unhappy little boy I decide it was time to figure out how to make it all work.

Here are steps that I took to make work at home a better and productive experience for both me and my son.

1) After I set up my work goals, I estimated how much time I need to devote to my business to accomplish them each day.

2) I build my schedule around the existing schedule. For example, the bulk of my work is done around my son’s nap time, which gives me 2-3 hours of uninterrupted time.

3) I slowly incorporated the new schedule, giving both of us a chance to adjust to me working at home.

4) I set up time weekly for both of us to be out of the house. He goes to daycare for a half a day to play and I work, then after I pick him up we have an outing together.

Women are choosing to stay home to persuade their careers and their role as mother. It really can be the best of both worlds, here are a few tips and things to keep in mind:

BE FLEXIBLE. Things happen, work on fluctuating your work schedule so that as things come up you can work around them.

LEARN HOW TO MULTI-TASK. Many times I have a roast in the oven, laundry washing, while I am sorting mail and watching a movie with my son.

TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF! Now that your two worlds have merged you may find those “little escapes” such as being able to unwind after you get home, become difficult to capture. Hire someone to come in weekly for a couple of hours to give you some time to yourself. Someone to come in and help with the house work can free up your time for the important things that make working at home so appealing to you.

ENJOY YOUR TIME. Whether it is the time spent working on your business or playing with your child(ren), enjoy the fact that you have the opportunity to do both without feeling that you have to sacrifice anything.

ENJOY YOUR TIME. Whether it is the time spent working on your business or playing with your child(ren), enjoy the fact that you have the opportunity to do both without feeling that you have to sacrifice anything.

We are back to the time when women were able to stay home with their children, but with the added bonus of still being able to persuade our own career goals as well. As we are with our children helping them grow it to the people they will become, we are evolving, growing, and learning as well. Evolving into a new generation of women that do not have to choose between our family and our career; Growing into women that are learning how to have it all.

© Copyright 2005 Tonya Ramsey

Mothers face many challenges in today’s world. They carry the responsibility of many roles. Through these roles we become different things to different people. Sometimes we get divided over having a career and having a families or find conflict between the different jobs that we try to do. Making the question “Who am I?” even harder to answer.

It grows harder because mothers see this little person that looks up at them with innocent trusting eyes, mommy is everything to that little one. She makes the hurt from boo-boos go away with a kiss, chases the monsters from under the bed away, and rocks them after a bad dream. Every mother takes that responsibility and carries it with her no matter where she goes. It is an awesome responsibility of caring for this wonderful little person and being mom is always on the mind. As much as it is wonderful to revel in mommyhood, we still need to remember that being a mother is just one part of us, the more we allow ourselves to see who we are the better examples we can set for our children to leading a balanced life.

As a mother, I have struggled to find my own identity. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a business owner, a sister, a friend…..but who am I? It is easy to define yourself by what you do and what you mean to other people. As we take on these different roles our own identity gets blurred. It is harder to make the distinction. Who am I if I am not Logan’s mom or Ben’s wife?

Who are you? A wife, a mother, an employee, they are all a part of who we are, but they do not define you. We are the only ones that are able to define who we are. When are we just women? Women that have our own values, ideas, and philosophies, women that are able to embrace their different roles in life, but still are able to maintain there sense of “self”.

The importance of women defining who they are is giving them a chance to grow as women. To recognize that they need to take off all the different hats that they wear during the day and take time to honor who they are.

The problem is that because they are in so many different roles that they stop seeing themselves separate from them. They stop taking time for themselves, because they are giving so much to everyone else. Does this sound familiar? Have you lost your identity among the different jobs that you do everyday? How do you see yourself?

Here are a few questions that can help you determine if you are defining yourself by what you do instead of who you are:

Do you spend at least an hour a day doing the things that you want to do? (Reading, participating in hobbies, watching your favorite TV program, etc)

When asked to describe yourself do you start with “I enjoy…” or “I am a woman that believe/feel….”? Or do you say, “I am a mother…” or “I am a nurse…”

Are you able to say “no” to things that interfere with the things that you want to do? Or that you do not have time for?

Do you feel that your life is in balance? Which means that you get enough time to pursue your own interest instead of just the interest of your children or significant other?

Do you feel that you spend time equally on yourself as you do on others?

If you answered “no” to any of the questions it is time to get back in touch with yourself. You need to not only stop defining yourself by what you do but you need to spend sometime getting to know who you are.

Here are some tips for you to get in touch with the forgotten woman inside.

Make sure that you spend time perusing your own interests. The problem with defining yourself by what you do is that you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do; your time is spent doing for others. Do something that you have always wanted to do; take a class, start a book club, anything that gives you some time to just do your own thing. Above all make the time to do it! It’s ok to do something for yourself.

Say “NO” frequently! Just because you take on different roles does not mean that you have to do everything for everybody. Recognize when there is something that others could really do for themselves. Do not let yourself be taken advantage of! REMEMBER it is just as much of a benefit for others to learn how to do for themselves as it is to you.

Make sure that you have OFF DUTY time! Just like a conventional job, make sure there is a time of day when you are done. Don’t work right up until you go to bed. Give yourself time to unwind, distress, and relax. Wait until the kids are in bed and take a long hot bubble bath. Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book. Meditate or do yoga. Do whatever relaxes you. You need this time to maintain some balance. Because of you multiple roles you are “on the clock” the majority of the time. You have to have time to distress! Without it you are going to “burn out”. Visualize your bank account if you keep making withdraws without making a deposit, eventually you are going to just run out of resources. Make sure to take time to revitalize yourself.

I have found that by maintaining my own identity that I am a better mother, wife, daughter, business owner, sister, and friend. It maintains balance in my life because I know that even though I am different things to different people; I know what it means to just be me.

© Copyright 2005 Tonya Ramsey