Imagine you are walking down a hallway with doors on either side of the hall. You are unsure why you are walking down what seems like this endless hall, but you keep walking something is compelling you to do so. Each door is labeled; finally you stop in front of the door labeled Happiness. Your face lights up, this is the door that you were looking for. Your smile quickly fades as you turn the knob and to find that it is locked, if only you had the key to unlock happiness.

Many of us search for the key to happiness; we look for it in our jobs, in our loved ones. We think that if we have enough money, status, friends, and material possessions that the key will appear…that we will be happy. We often fail to look in the one place, in fact the only place that the key to happiness is…within ourselves.

It is easy to think that it the key to happiness is a physical thing that you find by chance. It is harder to realize that we have control over our happiness. That everything else is just a happiness substitute. It might fulfill our search temporary, but unless we start looking inside ourselves, we will always be walking down that long hallway locked out of what we seek.

If we control our own happiness, then why are we not happy all the time? There are always going to be things to bring us down. Sometimes, it seems like we have gotten more than our fair share of disappointments, but even these pitfalls do not steal our happiness away…it just distracts us.

We need to open ourselves up to the fact that happiness is not depended on what goes on around us. It is our life, we have the choice whether to be happy or not. We have to take that inner journey to find our own key. The sooner that we start looking internally instead of externally, the sooner we will be able to unlock that door to happiness.

© Copyright 2006 Tonya Ramsey

One afternoon last week, my brother invited me to come to my nephew’s baseball practice, so I decided to take a well-deserved break and spent the afternoon in the park watching a team of ten year olds practicing the nation’s favorite past time.

I listened to my brother as he slipped into the role of coach; it made me think of the awesome responsibility that he and the other coaches had. Not, only were they teaching these impressionable youngsters the fundamentals of the game itself, but they were teaching them the importance of teamwork.

“Teamwork n. Cooperative effort by the members of a group or team to achieve a common goal.”

It is an easy enough concept…together we are stronger than we are as individuals. So, Why not apply the principles of teamwork to our families?

By working together as a team the burden, does not have to lie on just one person, try-letting go of the need to do it all; instead, enlist your family to work as a team. Even the youngest member of your family can do it.

My  son is already doing his share of teamwork. Every morning before breakfast, he hands me our dog’s empty food dish, I fill it and hand it back to him to put it back in its place. Then after the dog gets let in from outside; it’s his job to remind me to give the dog her treat, as he points to the top of the fridge where they are kept and says, “CACK – UR” (cracker). Then I hand him the doggy treat, he give it to her with a “good girl” and a gentle pat.

Families working as a team will not only free up more time because everyone is doing their own part, but it will strengthen your family and leave you more time to enjoy time together without looming worries of what needs to be done. You will also be setting a great example for your children and learning the concept of teamwork is going to be something they will be able to apply to situations throughout their lives.

At a presentation the other day, I was asked if taking some time for one’s self was selfish.

Of course, my reply was “NO!” In fact not only is it not selfish, but its mandatory in order to have a healthy balanced life.

As a coach, one of the biggest issues that my clients face is taking time for themselves. I always use the analogy, if you keep writing checks without making deposits eventually your checking account becomes over drawn. The same thing applies if you give and give without taking some back for yourself.

Women in general are so use to sacrificing their needs for others. What causes this? What makes women think they are any less important then those they take care for?

A couple of months ago a friend of mine gave me an article that was published in Housekeeping Monthly (13 May 1955) entitled “The Good Wife’s Guide”. According to the 1955 standards, a women should: not complain, wait on her husband after a long hard day at work, have dinner on the table, keep the children quiet and clean, and “Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.” The underlying message of the article was in order to be a good wife, put your own thoughts, feelings, and identity on hold for your husband.

After my initial anger over the suppression of women, I calmed down. When this article was written that was just how it was. Back then, women were homemakers, very subservient to their husbands the breadwinners. They were not given credit for how hard the job raising kids and the daily upkeep of a home really is.

Women now, work either outside or from home. They have carved out their place in the workforce and fought for equality, but even though women have progressed their status from subservient to strong independent working women, they still treat themselves by the 1955 standard. Sacrificing for their family and putting themselves last, if at all. Women that have fought so hard for their equality, yet they refuse to reconize their worth when it comes to self-care.

Why would it be selfish for anyone to take alone time for themselves? Isn’t it what we usually recommend to a stressed out friend? Take care of yourself, take a nice long hot bath, take a walk….are just some of the suggestions that we give others when we see that they have over done caretaking for everyone else.

Why is it ok for others and not you?

We all know the correlation between good self-care and a happier life. Life is busier than ever for most. Making sure that you have time to recharge is a necessity to staying on top of life’s constant demands. The bottom line is that if you don’t take care of yourself then you will not be in a position to take care of anyone else.

Trust me; this is one of life’s lessons that I have learned the hard way.

Start realizing that you are worth making time for! It will make you a better you. Don’t you, your family, and your business deserve that?

© Copyright 2006 Tonya Ramsey

As a child I constantly heard, “Do as I say, not what I do!” from my parents. The mentality of children doing what they are told and not what they see is not realistic. Children mimic what they see; they pick up lessons from watching how we act.

What are we teaching our children without trying? What life lessons are they picking up from us that we do not want them to imitate?

If our children see us as parents not taking care of ourselves, what message is it sending them? Through not practicing, the good habits that we want our children to develop on their lives we are passing down negative patterns.

Most mothers are busy and they rarely make time for themselves. What message does this send to children? They might interpret that it is not important to take time for oneself or that they are not worth taking care of themselves. They might get the message that mothers are not suppose to spend time developing their own interest or growing as a person. Is that the message that we want them to grow up and incorporate into their own lives?

What about a parent that works all the time spending little time with their children? Will they grow up thinking that family is less important? Will they think that they are less important?

What are you showing your children with your own patterns of self-neglect, of misplaced priorities, of poor time and stress management?

Better yet, how will our children learn positive life skills if we do not show them how by example? How will our children develop a healthy self-esteem if we don’t show them?

We are the number one role model and teachers in our children’s lives. Along with the basics, it is up to us to show our children how to have a healthy self-image and how to make all the demands of life fit into our lives. Children learn the unspoken, they learn through examples that their parents teach them.

Are you living a life that you would want your children to grow up and live? If your not, it is not too late to show your children how to turn things around. It is not too late to start showing them that people can change their lives. They can grow and improve.

Take the first step towards a better life for yourself and give your child(ren) the best example that you can. Do it for you, do it for them, but above all, just do it. Make the changes that will promote happiness, well-being, and balance!

“Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.”

~Dorothy Thompson

“When you are at ease with yourself, you are able to utilize all your gifts and fulfill your purpose in life. You are able to give to others unselfishly and receive from them, knowing you are worthy”

~ Oprah Winfrey