Join Networking for Her for their Mother’s Day Celebration, there will be speakers as well as vendors! To see the schedule go here. 

Thursday May 3, 2007

Starting at: 8:30am PST / 9:30am MNT / 10:30am CST / 11:30am EST

Ending at: 6pm PST / 7pm MNT / 8pm CST / 9pm EST

Coach Tonya will be presenting,

“Ways to stay out of the SuperMom Trap”

@ 10am PST / 11am MNT / 12pm CST/ 1pm EST

Learn how to stay out of the common problem of taking on the SuperMom Persona. 

This event will take place in the Networking For Her audio/video Chat Room (there is a small safe download)

This is a free event!!

What is it in moms’ that makes us feel we have to take on the SuperMom identity? What makes us put on that cape?

If you talk to working mothers that you know, or even examine your own experiences, falling into the SuperMom trap is common. We all know SuperMom…faster than the microwave, more powerful than steel wool, able to fold laundry in a single bound. SuperMoms’ scare away the monsters under the bed, creates wonderful family meals, as she works, runs a business, or fosters a career either outside or inside the home.

I have tired to be SuperMom, but the cape kept getting caught under the wheels of my office chair, it did not take long to realize that persona was not for me. I was not going to fit into the kind of mother or woman “they” thought I should be. Now, when I say “they”, I am talking about, television, movies, the experts, the writers, parents, relatives, friends, and the neighbor next door, there is this exaggerated set of standards that has been generated that women hold themselves to, so they put on the cape to try to live up to everyone’s expectations.

Being a wife and mother are important jobs; we are the ones that not only carry sometimes the majority of the home and childcare responsibilities, but also the majority of the “emotional labor”. The hugs of reassurance, the kisses that make the hurts better. We are the ones that cry at night after the children go to bed, because our little ones had to learn one of life’s lessons the hard way. We are the nurturers, we hold those little hands throughout their lives, no matter how big they are, we always see those tiny hands in our own. No mother takes that responsibility lightly. It is our job to provide our children with emotional sustenance, and so we put on the cape to give our children everything we can, and everything we are.

We forget that we are women…individuals; we struggle with the duality as our work selves and mommy selves collide in conflict on again and again. As guilt starts to overwhelm us for wanting something for ourselves, we are tempted to give in and leave a huge part of ourselves behind. We ignore our own needs because we were taught that we give to others and keep nothing for ourselves. We are haunted by the images we saw on TV, in the movies, maybe even the examples we saw in our lives of what a mom is suppose to be. They all have a hold on us, a whisper in our head that feeds on the very concept of ourselves. We put the cape on and assume the role of SuperMom to try to make peace with the inner conflict.

Like, the famous man of steel, we take on a cover identity, one that is not real, because we sacrifice ourselves for mommy hood and for careers, we get lost in conference calls and paperwork, school plays and soccer practices. We forget about ourselves as we stay up into the early hours finishing work, or sewing that Halloween costume, that was not done even though we were on the go non-stop all day. Therefore, we put on the cape, just to maintain.

By understanding what makes us buy into the illusion that the way to happiness is through being SuperMom. We can start to understand why we neglect who we are and where we want our lives to go. Understanding will bring about a clarity, a hope, and a desire to reclaim ourselves, our real selves and not just the mild manner identity that we created. It takes a desire to reconnect with our inner selves, a willingness to abandon the out-dated expectations and the commitment to stop trying to fit into a mold that does not fit.

You do not need to be someone you are not. Leave behind the thinking that life is an either or proposition. When we realize we can merge our duality back into one, healthy identity, then and only then can we take off the cape and let our true selves live and find the life we deserve.

© Copyright April 2007 Tonya Ramsey

“To have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect, is potentially to have everything”

~Joan Didion

How wonderful this world would be if every woman realized her worth. I think it is a tragedy that so many women don’t know what a wonderful gift they are to this world.

How would realizing your worth change your life?

Give yourself credit for the amazing person that you are!! By acknowledging your worth, you will unlock a whole new world. ~ Tonya

” One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, how big my house was, or what kind of car I drove; But the world may be a little better, because I was important in the life of a child.”

~ Forest E. Witcraft