It is commonplace for women to take care of everyone but themselves, leaving a void in their lives. As we go down the path of doing for others, with little regard to the chaos it creates in our lives, we feel the strain. There is pressure to live up to an impractical model, a superwomen type that can say “yes” to everyone, while still presenting herself “fresh as a daisy”, smiling that million dollar smile so big you wonder if her cheeks are going to cramp up. Happy to do for others, all the time, day in and day out, until…there is nothing left.

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Published in my new column Journey to Self at Women’s Online Magazine

We have to come to the awareness of the infinite pairing of opposites keeping the universe going - birth and death, joy and sorrow, celebration and tragedy, and the list goes on. During our lifetime we will see tragedy, we will know sorrow, we will feel regret; it is not a question that negative things will come into our lives. The key is our ability to deal and rebound from the negativity going on in our lives, and in the world around us.

We do not have to let the disheartening news from the world shade our perceptions. When we focus on the positive, we can help ourselves from falling into the darkness. Be grateful for the all the positives in your life. Hold tight to what you are grateful for because it will help you get through the doom and gloom the world portrays.

(read full article)

Published in my new column Journey to Self at Women’s Online Magazine

What is it in moms’ that makes us feel we have to take on the SuperMom identity? What makes us put on that cape?

If you talk to working mothers that you know, or even examine your own experiences, falling into the SuperMom trap is common. We all know SuperMom…faster than the microwave, more powerful than steel wool, able to fold laundry in a single bound. SuperMoms’ scare away the monsters under the bed, creates wonderful family meals, as she works, runs a business, or fosters a career either outside or inside the home.

I have tired to be SuperMom, but the cape kept getting caught under the wheels of my office chair, it did not take long to realize that persona was not for me. I was not going to fit into the kind of mother or woman “they” thought I should be. Now, when I say “they”, I am talking about, television, movies, the experts, the writers, parents, relatives, friends, and the neighbor next door, there is this exaggerated set of standards that has been generated that women hold themselves to, so they put on the cape to try to live up to everyone’s expectations.

Being a wife and mother are important jobs; we are the ones that not only carry sometimes the majority of the home and childcare responsibilities, but also the majority of the “emotional labor”. The hugs of reassurance, the kisses that make the hurts better. We are the ones that cry at night after the children go to bed, because our little ones had to learn one of life’s lessons the hard way. We are the nurturers, we hold those little hands throughout their lives, no matter how big they are, we always see those tiny hands in our own. No mother takes that responsibility lightly. It is our job to provide our children with emotional sustenance, and so we put on the cape to give our children everything we can, and everything we are.

We forget that we are women…individuals; we struggle with the duality as our work selves and mommy selves collide in conflict on again and again. As guilt starts to overwhelm us for wanting something for ourselves, we are tempted to give in and leave a huge part of ourselves behind. We ignore our own needs because we were taught that we give to others and keep nothing for ourselves. We are haunted by the images we saw on TV, in the movies, maybe even the examples we saw in our lives of what a mom is suppose to be. They all have a hold on us, a whisper in our head that feeds on the very concept of ourselves. We put the cape on and assume the role of SuperMom to try to make peace with the inner conflict.

Like, the famous man of steel, we take on a cover identity, one that is not real, because we sacrifice ourselves for mommy hood and for careers, we get lost in conference calls and paperwork, school plays and soccer practices. We forget about ourselves as we stay up into the early hours finishing work, or sewing that Halloween costume, that was not done even though we were on the go non-stop all day. Therefore, we put on the cape, just to maintain.

By understanding what makes us buy into the illusion that the way to happiness is through being SuperMom. We can start to understand why we neglect who we are and where we want our lives to go. Understanding will bring about a clarity, a hope, and a desire to reclaim ourselves, our real selves and not just the mild manner identity that we created. It takes a desire to reconnect with our inner selves, a willingness to abandon the out-dated expectations and the commitment to stop trying to fit into a mold that does not fit.

You do not need to be someone you are not. Leave behind the thinking that life is an either or proposition. When we realize we can merge our duality back into one, healthy identity, then and only then can we take off the cape and let our true selves live and find the life we deserve.

© Copyright April 2007 Tonya Ramsey

There has been a flood of media coverage recently on the movie The Secret and the subject matter of the movie, the Law of Attraction. For those that have not viewed the film, its function was to introduce the universal law that “like attracts like”, “what we focus on, we receive”, or “to every action there is a reaction”. By learning these theories a person can go from accepting whatever lands in the middle of their life to a healthier place of obtaining prosperity and joy.

The world as we know it right this minute has those people that want to see the glass half full and those that see it half empty. The critics of the film have zeroed in on the fact that the folks that made the film are profiting from it. Uh…duh. People coach football teams for the love of teaching (or football), AND to make a living. What is wrong with people making a living doing what they love whether it is teaching, acting, selling soap, or any number of countless activities in as much as it is for good and not evil. That’s like saying we shouldn’t pay the milk man…that he should deliver the milk for free because our body needs the milk. We seem to forget that the milkman will need funds to buy his own milk.

Other critics have focused on the fact that the film doesn’t give every detail of the Law of Attraction and therefore has caused people to believe in magical thinking. During my lifetime I have watched thousands of films and never have I expected to get 100% of the facts and details within a 90 minute period on a subject that I am studying. That is just plain silly! Can a person become a concert pianist in a 90 minute period of practice?

It is my opinion that this film does a great job of introducing the teachings of the Law of Attraction to people that have never heard of it. It is opening eyes to greater possibilities for their lives. It shows people they do not have to settle for bread crumbs when there is a freshly baked loaf of bread sitting right in front of them. However; I don’t believe for a moment that one film has the time to “do it all”. If people are serious about making a complete lifestyle change they may have to continue their study and then put into practice the teachings until they make it a habit. For those that are just beginning their journey to abundance there is a wealth of information to be found (just open your browser) and many schools and coaches that can help.

Do I agree that people should have to pay several thousands of dollars for one bottle of milk (or Law of Attraction information) when there is the same bottle of milk for sale at far less? NO, of course not! I don’t support those that charge far more than they have to for the product or service they offer. I support the teaching of offering more value than you charge for no matter what service or product you provide. This leaves everyone happy and satisfied.

I would encourage those that are serious about changing their lives to continue your study. Look for places to get the most value for the cost. Here is just one place to start http://www.universityofprosperity.net

Fall into the belief that all you need to do is watch one movie and you will find disappointment. It is a complete life-altering concept, so step out and find how to put the Law of Attraction into action for positive results. You control your destiny; make it one of joy and beauty.

© Copyright March, 2007
Kim Emerson
Author, mentor, public speaker of Law of Attraction
http://www.universityofprosperity.net Changing the World, One Thought at a Time

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kim_Mutch_Emerson

For moms who work from home, balancing the home and business sides of their lives can feel downright impossible, especially when the reason they began working from home was so they could spend more time with family. However, many home businesses actually fail because moms don’t manage to balance business and home life. How can you juggle your family’s needs, your business needs and occasionally find some time for your needs without being a super hero?

The first thing any mom should do to achieve balance is to get the family involved. If your children and husband support you, you will find that they interrupt less often and are more likely to pitch in to get household chores done. You’re probably thinking that will happen the day the moon turns to blue cheese, right? However, if you mention that you need to get a major project done and will be able to buy a pizza and rent a video when you are paid, you may be surprised at how quickly everyone pitches in to help out.

If you have young children, they may not be able to understand the concept of waiting for a reward. To get your younger children involved, try explaining what you are doing in very simple terms and having them help you. Set up a small desk or table for your toddlers and add crayons and paper so they can help you with your work by drawing some pictures or writing a letter. Children that are a bit older can put stamps on envelopes and seal them, paperclip papers together or do other simple organizational tasks.

Of course, no matter how supportive your family and friends are, they are not going to be happy if you work 15 hours a day. Make sure that you ask for uninterrupted time to do your job or run your business, but also make sure that you schedule time for your family and friends. While you are making up that schedule, don’t forget your significant other. If you sit at your computer all evening after the children are tucked away for the night, you may end up with some serious relationship issues!

Once your family and friends are involved and you’ve scheduled time for them in your life, it is time to consider a few ways to make the most of your valuable work time. While you may be tempted to work non-stop during the time you have dedicated to your business, you should actually try to take some breaks. Taking a half-hour walk or having lunch away from your desk can really help you recharge your mind and keeps your body from growing stiff and tired. When you sit back down, you can do so with a clearer view of your goals and fresh energy and focus.

Also, don’t be afraid to make a “to do” list for your business. Write the four or five items you absolutely must do on your list and promise yourself that you will get them done before you visit your favorite forums or check your email. This can really help you get more work accomplished in less time.

So, although you may not have super powers, you can still have a home life, a business life and some time for yourself. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath, ask your family for some help and try out a few of these great ideas for balancing your life.

About the Author:
Aurelia Williams is the author of Journey To Joy, an inspiring eBook that explores many obstacles that women face. It also provides essential action steps, worksheets, resources and an hour long Balancing Your Life Audio.

Accomplishing goals can be a daunting task; especially, when one has to overcome obstacles in order to reach the desired result. It is easy to identify external obstacles that block our goals. Yet, those are not the only obstacles that stand in the way. Often times we have internal obstacles that prevent us from following through on our goals.

Think about your goals and the course of action that you have taken to move towards them. Are you where you want to be? Have you accomplished your goals despite obstacles? If not, take a moment and think about what has held you back from your success. Are you justifying the lack of progress towards your goals on something external? What most people forget to consider is internal obstacles that prevent them from moving forward, often times it is a subtle, almost unknown to the conscious mind.

Not truly feeling you are worth your goals, or worth the time it takes to put into accomplishing your goals, often lies at the heart of unconscious self-sabotage. If you do not feel that you are worth your goals then all efforts are futile. Check in with yourself by doing a self-evaluations to see if you are the one that is indeed holding back your own progress. It can manifest itself as in many ways.

Procrastination: putting off action steps or things that need to be done, or tasks that you find unpleasant. Procrastination also puts undue stress and can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed on a person because eventually what is put off needs to be done, by that time tasks have piled up.

Indecision: not having a decisive action plan or going back and forth about your course of action. Indecision can lead to self-doubt in your abilities.

Acting as “Lone Ranger” or martyr: not asking for help when you need it, not utilizing resources that are available to you, not seeking out education that you need to.

Not saying “no” when you need to over commits yourself and does not leave time for you to work on your goals, it is important for you to put you and your goals first before considering other requests.

Not saying “yes” to opportunities that will lead you to your goals. Lack of self-confidence or self-esteem could lead you to pass on opportunities that would benefit you.

Tolerating conditions that are not conducive to your goals instead of changing them

Not being truthful with yourself or others

Overcoming self-sabotage can be difficult, that is why it is best to start with the source. Why are you procrastinating? Why do you not say “yes” or “no” at the times you need to? What are you not being honest about? When you find out the reason behind the behavior, you are on the way to overcoming your internal obstacles and will be able to get to working on your goals.

© Copyright 2007 Tonya Ramsey

Are you carrying around some junk? You know, those hurtful and unconstructive things that you may have been told by someone during the course of your life. It was supposed to be taken with a grain of salt or simply ignored but most of the times we take that criticism and wear it like a hat of shame!

It is one thing to listen to constructive criticism and then make changes to better ourselves or our situation, but it is something else to listen to rude and downright mean criticism and then take it to heart. Well, why not declare this a time to clear out the junk! That means that it is now time unload all of those negative, non-constructive, non-truths that you have been told.

The change is quite simple to start then takes some work to keep up. Start by seeing the best in others and think about all of the good qualities that you have rather than the qualities that you don’t have. Change the actual quality of our thoughts. By concentrating on good, quality thoughts, we begin to experience self-pleasure, happiness and self-respect. Along the way, we also recognize our own unique skills and abilities. Let these quality thoughts become your hat, not the negative thoughts that were thrown at you out of anger, jealousy, or another negative emotion.

Try not to analyze every thought down the teeniest detail. Use your thoughts to keep things in perspective. Many times we fall into a trap of thinking too much and we end up spending a large amount of time debating with ourselves, or trying to see how our thoughts will be perceived by our peers. Many times this process will actually stop us from being who we truly are!

Life will always be filled with a few curve balls and surprises and I encourage everyone to really work at being more positive (in your thoughts, speech and actions). Work at this daily until it becomes so much of a habit, that you won’t even have to think about it.

Positive thinking is infectious and leads to a ‘can do’ attitude within any individual that adopts this approach to life. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds.

Below are just a few examples of typical negative self-talk and how you might apply a positive twist to those thoughts:

Negative Thought: I’ve never done it before & I don’t know how to do it
Positive Spin: It’s an opportunity to learn something new.

Negative Thought: No one wants to communicate with me.
Positive Spin: I’ll see if I can open the channels of communication.

Here are a few action steps that will help you to empty the junk of Negative thoughts and to add the nourishment of positive ones.

· Stop negative thoughts in their tracks. Whenever you hear yourself “thinking” a negative thought ~ STOP and replace it with a positive thought. Instead of saying to yourself, “I’m not good at this.” Stop yourself and say, “I am getting better at this with each and every try.”

· If you catch yourself visualizing failure, switch to visualizing success.

· Look for the positive. No matter what the situation is, there is always a negative and a positive side of it. Sometimes, the positive side may not be easy to see right off the bat, but if you look deep enough it is there.

Decide that from today, you are leaving negative thinking behind, and starting on the way towards positive thinking. It is never too late to start this process and soon you will notice things changing for the better.

About the Author:
Aurelia Williams is the author of Journey To Joy, an inspiring eBook that explores many obstacles that women face. It also provides essential action steps, worksheets, resources and an hour long Balancing Your Life Audio.

Do you ever feel guilty when you buy yourself a two dollar bottle of nail polish? How about when you take the long way home from a quick ride to the store just to get some extra quiet time, and when you get home the kids ask, “what took you so long?” does this make you feel like you did something wrong? I am here to tell you that you shouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt!

Moms always seem to give, give, and give some more until we’re running on empty. The truth of the matter is; if you don’t take time to yourself on a regular basis, you’re going to end up feeling deprived and downright exhausted. What good are you to yourself, friends and your family if you’re too tired and irritable to do the things you need to do each day?

Here are a few tips to help you overcome feeling guilty for setting aside time for yourself:

• When your family is getting too demanding and starts questioning you as to why you aren’t at their beckon call every second of the day; simply explain to them that you’re taking time out for a bit and that mom’s need time to themselves too. You can do this by setting a day and time do to something nice for yourself and simply explain to your family what your plans are. Let them know when you are leaving and when they can expect you to be back. They will be so happy to have a relaxed, happy mom upon your return.

• Ask your husband, significant other, friend or a trusted sitter to watch your kids for a while ant then schedule a time to go meet call your friend for an afternoon of window shopping, lunch or perhaps a movie. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty while you’re doing this. Keep in mind that you deserve the time. When you arrive back at home, don’t get all tense and think, “Maybe I should have stayed home and cleaned the toilet instead.” Let your children see how happy you are that you took time out for yourself then reward your children for their behavior while you were away.

• The next time you find yourself feeling guilty when you haven’t done anything wrong, ask yourself, “is this illegal?” or “is this going to hurt someone else?” If the answer is no, then just don’t worry about it and try to enjoy yourself. You’re more than just a mom, you’re still Y-O-U; and you deserve attention too.

• Don’t think you’re being selfish. This is the number one thing that sidetracks a lot of moms. We have no problem going out and getting a little something for the kids, husband, or friends, but when it comes to making a purchase for ourselves, as small as a shirt on the clearance rack for a few dollars, we hesitate and put it back. If you can afford to get yourself a little something then go ahead and do it. Even if all you can purchase is a new tube of lip stick, a new book or a small accessory, it will make you feel better about yourself.

• Be sure you are expressing your true thoughts and feelings to your loved ones. For instance, if you are asked what you want for your birthday and you say, “Well, I don’t really need anything” and secretly, you are expecting your family to read your mind, 9 times out of 10 you’ll end up feeling disappointed in the outcome. When your family is really trying to be nice and do something kind for you, let them! Don’t feel guilty for asking for that shiny new bracelet you saw in the mall, or a trip to a day spa for that massage that you’ve always wanted. You deserve it!

The most important things in a mother’s life, her children, are also the most influential. Children are just like sponges and everything Mom does they will, at some point in time in their lives, mimic and/or reflect upon. If your children see you constantly suppressing your needs and not speaking out and taking the time that you deserve, they will be more inclined to follow those patterns as they grown into adulthood. What you do today can determine the kind of life your child will lead tomorrow.

Life is short and motherhood goes by quickly, enjoy it to the best of your ability. A guilt free mom is a happy mom!

About the Author:
Aurelia Williams is the author of Journey To Joy, an inspiring e-Book that explores many obstacles that women face. It also provides essential action steps, worksheets, resources and an hour long Balancing Your Life Audio.

“I am my own victim, my own perpetrator. Of course, the tools of my self-victimization have been made readily available. The pattern of the perfect body has been programmed into me since birth. But whatever the cultural influences and pressures, my preoccupation with my flab, my constant dieting, exercising, worry, is self-imposed. I pick up the magazines, I buy into the ideal. I believe that blond, flat [stomach] girls, have the secret.”

~ From the Preface of The Good Body by Eve Ensler

I think that one of the biggest tragedies in the world today is women that are letting others define them. It is something that we all do. We let fashion magazines and TV define what we should wear. We let the endless images of the ideal “perfect” yet, unrealistic body define what we think we should look like. Sadly, we are even letting others define what are goals are and how we should define our success.

We allow ourselves to be labeled because that is what society does. We are labeled by our race, profession, gender, marital status, whether we have kids or not, by our education level, how much money we make, what god we pray to…everything in our life comes down to a classification. And because we buy into it, we soon forget that we have the power to define ourselves.

You want to know the secret for inner peace, the phrase that will set you free?

I DEFINE ME.

Let go of worries about what others think. Don’t set your standards by what other’s think.

Be the leader that you where born to be, stop following the herd. Who cares what the latest fashion is, if you don’t like it then declare your individuality. Let yourself stand out, be noticed and be heard! Know in your heart that only about 10% of the world looks like a super-model and start loving yourself for the way you are. Care more about the person than the superficial.

Live by your own definitions of what success is. It doesn’t have to be a six figure a year income with two new cars in the driveway. But, it does have to be what YOU want it to be. It has to be a life that you are going to blossom in, a life that allows you to enjoy the things that you value most. Define yourself, define your life, and define your OWN priorities because the only one that is going to have to live with regret is you.

We are our own victim, our own perpetrator until we decide to define for ourselves.

© Copyright 2006 Tonya Ramsey

Imagine you are walking down a hallway with doors on either side of the hall. You are unsure why you are walking down what seems like this endless hall, but you keep walking something is compelling you to do so. Each door is labeled; finally you stop in front of the door labeled Happiness. Your face lights up, this is the door that you were looking for. Your smile quickly fades as you turn the knob and to find that it is locked, if only you had the key to unlock happiness.

Many of us search for the key to happiness; we look for it in our jobs, in our loved ones. We think that if we have enough money, status, friends, and material possessions that the key will appear…that we will be happy. We often fail to look in the one place, in fact the only place that the key to happiness is…within ourselves.

It is easy to think that it the key to happiness is a physical thing that you find by chance. It is harder to realize that we have control over our happiness. That everything else is just a happiness substitute. It might fulfill our search temporary, but unless we start looking inside ourselves, we will always be walking down that long hallway locked out of what we seek.

If we control our own happiness, then why are we not happy all the time? There are always going to be things to bring us down. Sometimes, it seems like we have gotten more than our fair share of disappointments, but even these pitfalls do not steal our happiness away…it just distracts us.

We need to open ourselves up to the fact that happiness is not depended on what goes on around us. It is our life, we have the choice whether to be happy or not. We have to take that inner journey to find our own key. The sooner that we start looking internally instead of externally, the sooner we will be able to unlock that door to happiness.

© Copyright 2006 Tonya Ramsey