Reflections


Starting Over

The two important things I did learn were that you are as powerful and strong as you allow yourself to be, and that the most difficult part of any endeavor is taking the first step, making the first decision.”

~ Robyn Davidson

These words were written by a woman who learned to handle camels and traveled alone with them across the Australian Outback. Somehow the intensity of the circumstances under which she gathered these learnings makes them even more profound. What if each of us believed that we are “as powerful and strong” as we allow ourselves to be? What if we quit trying to be accepted by everyone and gave up trying not to alienate anyone and just let ourselves be as strong and powerful as we are?  Nothing extraordinary, mind you, just as wonderfully powerful as we naturally are.

And, what if we let ourself take that first step towards what you really want? Nothing big…no fanfares…just do it!

REMEMBER today really is the first day of the rest of your life.

From “Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much” by Anne Wilson Schaef

As I sat alone in my office for my daily “quiet time” during my son’s nap, the phone rang. On the other end was old friend of mine. We had fallen out of touch with each other after some events that took place. It had been over four years since we where had talked. We chatted for about an hour and made plans to meet for coffee in a couple of days.

Four years, it seems like a life time had happen to me over that time. So, much had changed. I feel that I had grown so much as a person over that time, not to mention the total transformation of my life as I entered into motherhood. I was with my soul mate, that alone has changed my life so profoundly. Who knew how much could change? I was happy to be talking to the one person that over the years I had been missing, my oldest and dearest friend.

It had occurred to me, there were all different types of situations that cause us to treat our friendships as if they are the expendable, something that we can do without, nothing could be further from the truth. Human Being as complex creatures depend on our relationships with others. Once a survival tactic, with the mentality that there is safety in numbers, now has evolved to a human need. We need social interaction with others; we need other to share ideas. As human beings it is vital to us to have connections to others, it is needed to create and maintain families and communities. We need to love and to be loved. Yet, when our lives get busy, when we are in negative relationships, or for whatever other reason, we start by pulling away from others. Whether it is by choice or not.

When my life got busy my social activities was the one thing that was easiest to give away. I don’t know why, I just stopped making time for my friends, stopped going out. Our friendships might be the most expendable, but they are also the missed the most. It makes a big difference to have friends to share things with, to have a girls night out, someone that we can turn to when things get tough.

Why are relationships other than our spouses and family important?

  • It helps us maintain our own identity
  • It helps us stay connected to the world
  • It allows us to have a break from the day to day
  • It is a way to engage in interesting conversation
  • It allows us to share and release feeling and emotions
  • Friends can be great cheerleaders and good shoulders to cry on

Remember to make time for the people in your life and to tell them how grateful you are to have them in your life.

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come and see the daffodils before they are over”. I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. Going and coming took most of a day - and I honestly did not have a free day until the following week.

“I will come next Tuesday,” I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove the length of Route 91, continued on I-215, and finally turned onto Route 18 and began to drive up the mountain highway. The tops of the mountains were sheathed in clouds, and I had gone only a few miles when the road was completely covered with a wet, gray blanket of fog. I slowed to a crawl, my heart pounding. The road becomes narrow and winding toward the top of the mountain.

As I executed the hazardous turns at a snail’s pace, I was praying to reach the turnoff at Blue Jay that would signify I had arrived. When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren I said, “Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these darling children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!”

My daughter smiled calmly, “We drive in this all the time, Mother”.

“Well, you won’t get me back on the road until it clears - and then I’m heading for home!” I assured her.

“I was hoping you’d take me over to the garage to pick up my car. The mechanic just called, and they’ve finished repairing the engine”, she answered.

“How far will we have to drive?” I asked cautiously.

“Just a few blocks,” Carolyn said cheerfully.

So we buckled up the children and went out to my car. “I’ll drive,” Carolyn offered. “I’m used to this.” We got into the car, and she began driving.

In a few minutes, I was aware that we were back on the Rim-of-the-World Road heading over the top of the mountain. “Where are we going?” I exclaimed, distressed to be back on the mountain road in the fog. “This isn’t the way to the garage!”

“We’re going to my garage the long way,” Carolyn smiled“, by way of the daffodils.”

“Carolyn,” I said sternly, trying to sound as if I was still the mother and in charge of the situation, “please turn around. There is nothing in the world that I want to see enough to drive on this road in this weather.”

“It’s all right, Mother,” She replied with a knowing grin. “I know what I’m doing. I promise, you will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.”

And so my sweet, darling daughter who had never given me a minute of difficulty in her whole life was suddenly in charge - and she was kidnapping me! I couldn’t believe it. Like it or not, I was on the way to see some ridiculous daffodils - driving through the thick, gray silence of the mist-wrapped mountaintop at what I thought was risk to life and limb.

I muttered all the way. After about twenty minutes we turned onto a small gravel road that branched down into an oak-filled hollow on the side of the mountain. The fog had lifted a little, but the sky was lowering, gray and heavy with clouds.

We parked in a small parking lot adjoining a little stone church. From our vantage point at the top of the mountain we could see beyond us, in the mist, the crests of the San Bernardino range like the dark, humped backs of a herd of elephants. Far below us the fog-shrouded valleys, hills, and flatlands stretched away to the desert.

On the far side of the church, I saw a pine-needle-covered path, with towering evergreens and manzanita bushes and an inconspicuous, lettered sign “Daffodil Garden”.

We each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path as it wound through the trees. The mountain sloped away from the side of the path in irregular dips, folds, and valleys, like a deeply creased skirt.

Live oaks, mountain laurel, shrubs, and bushes clustered in the folds, and in the gray, drizzling air, the green foliage looked dark and monochromatic. I shivered. Then we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight, unexpectedly and completely splendid. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes where it had run into every crevice and over every rise. Even in the mist-filled air, the mountainside was radiant, clothed in massive drifts and waterfalls of daffodils. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow.

Each different-colored variety (I learned later that there were more than thirty-five varieties of daffodils in the vast display) was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue.

In the center of this incredible and dazzling display of gold, a great cascade of purple grape hyacinth flowed down like a waterfall of blossoms framed in its own rock-lined basin, weaving through the brilliant daffodils. A charming path wound throughout the garden. There were several resting stations, paved with stone and furnished with Victorian wooden benches and great tubs of coral and carmine tulips. As though this were not magnificence enough, Mother Nature had to add her own grace note - above the daffodils, a bevy of western bluebirds flitted and darted, flashing their brilliance. These charming little birds are the color of sapphires with breasts of magenta red. As they dance in the air, their colors are truly like jewels above the blowing, glowing daffodils. The effect was spectacular.

It did not matter that the sun was not shining. The brilliance of the daffodils was like the glow of the brightest sunlit day. Words, wonderful as they are, simply cannot describe the incredible beauty of that flower-bedecked mountain top.

Five acres of flowers! (This too I discovered later when some of my questions were answered.) “But who has done this?I asked Carolyn. I was overflowing with gratitude that she brought me - even against my will. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

“Who?” I asked again, almost speechless with wonder, “And how, and why, and when?”

“It’s just one woman,” Carolyn answered. “She lives on the property. That’s her home.” Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory.

We walked up to the house, my mind buzzing with questions. On the patio we saw a poster. “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking” was the headline.

The first answer was a simple one. “50,000 bulbs,” it read.

The second answer was, “One at a time, by one woman, two hands, two feet, and very little brain.”

The third answer was, “Began in 1958”.

There it was. The Daffodil Principle.

For me that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than thirty-five years before, had begun - one bulb at a time - to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. One bulb at a time.

There was no other way to do it. One bulb at a time. No shortcuts - simply loving the slow process of planting. Loving the work as it unfolded.

Loving an achievement that grew so slowly and that bloomed for only three weeks of each year. Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world.

This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of ineffable magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.

The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principle of celebration: learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time - often just one baby-step at a time - learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.

When we multiply tiny pieces time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

“Carolyn,” I said that morning on the top of the mountain as we left the haven of daffodils, our minds and hearts still bathed and bemused by the splendors we had seen, “it’s as though that remarkable woman has needle-pointed the earth! Decorated it. Just think of it, she planted every single bulb for more than thirty years. One bulb at a time! And that’s the only way this garden could be created. Every individual bulb had to be planted. There was no way of short-circuiting that process. Five acres of blooms. That magnificent cascade of hyacinth! All, all, just one bulb at a time.”

The thought of it filled my mind. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the implications of what I had seen. “It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Carolyn. “What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five years ago and had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”

My wise daughter put the car into gear and summed up the message of the day in her direct way. “Start tomorrow,” she said with the same knowing smile she had worn for most of the morning. Oh, profound wisdom!

It is pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson a celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask,

“How can I put this to use tomorrow?”

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Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards has a bachelor’s degree in English literature from Brigham Young University. She has served in all the auxiliaries of her church and served a mission with her husband in Johannasburg, South Africa, directing institutes and seminaries and teaching in these programs. She is a writer and speaker and has ten published books. She received the Distinguished Emeritus Alumni Award. She is married to Weston Eyring Edwards, and they are the parents of twelve children. The story of “The Daffodil Principle” originally appeared nearly ten years ago in Jaroldeen Edwards’ book Celebration! Ten Principles of More Joyous Living, Deseret Books, Salt Lake City in 1995. It is now available for the first time as an illustrated gift book, with artwork by Anne Marie Oborn.

Information from http://7degrees.wordpress.com/2006/08/10/the-daffodil-principle/

My sincere thanks to Anna Campbell, who sent me this beautiful story!

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Some questions to ask yourself:

How can you apply the Daffodil Principle to your life?

What in your life, do you want to “start tomorrow”?

I hope that you take the insightful lessons of the Daffodil Principle, step-by-step, one-by-one, you can change your life…or even the world!

Empowering Regards,

Tonya Ramsey

This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up spit-up laced with hot dogs, birthday cake, and fruit juice saying, “It’s OK honey, Mommy’s here.”

Who have walked around the house all night with their babies when they kept crying and wouldn’t stop.

This is for all the mothers who have shown up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who have run carpools and made dozens of cookies for school teas and sewn Halloween costumes.

And all the mothers who haven’t because they are at work trying to earn enough to keep on top of the bills.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see.

And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes and all their love.

This is for all the mothers who have sat on cold metal bleachers at hockey, baseball or soccer games instead of watching from their cars, so that when their kids asked, “Did you see me?” they could say, “Of course, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” and meant it.

This is for all the mothers who have yelled at their kids in the grocery store and swatted them in despair when they stomped their feet, like a tired two-year-old does who wants ice cream before dinner, and then hated themselves for “losing” it.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children to explain all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn’t.

For all the mothers who read Goodnight, Moon twice a night for a year. And then read it again. “Just one more time.”

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who taught their sons to cook and sew and their daughters to be brave and strong. (And sink a jump shot.)

This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls “Mom?” in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home or grown up.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they’d be just fine once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. And they do.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, and who can’t find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips, sometimes until they bleed, when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.

What makes a good Mother anyway?
Is it patience?
Compassion?
Broad hips?

The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it the heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

Or the terror in your heart at 1 a.m. when your teenager with the new driver’s license is an hour late getting home?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Or to feel the dull ache as you look in on your sleeping daughter or son the night before they leave for a college in another city?

The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

For all the mothers of the victims of all the school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for mothers who have tearfully placed flowers and teddy bears on their children’s graves. Whose children have died from illness, accidents and the worst of all and hardest to comprehend, suicides.

This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.

And mature mothers who have learned and are still learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Grandmothers whose wisdom and love remains a constant for their grown children and their children’s children.

~ Author Unknown

I was sent this wonderful story and wanted to share it with you all. ~ Tonya

 

An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life . . .

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good —he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”

The Elder simply replied, “The one you feed.”

 

Ask yourself, which wolf are you feeding?

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