Thu 2 Aug 2007
It is commonplace for women to take care of everyone but themselves, leaving a void in their lives. As we go down the path of doing for others, with little regard to the chaos it creates in our lives, we feel the strain. There is pressure to live up to an impractical model, a superwomen type that can say “yes” to everyone, while still presenting herself “fresh as a daisy”, smiling that million dollar smile so big you wonder if her cheeks are going to cramp up. Happy to do for others, all the time, day in and day out, until…there is nothing left.
Published in my new column Journey to Self at Women’s Online Magazine
August 12th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
I learned how to use “No” the hard way. I was a manager at where I am employed now and my boss worked me 60 hours a week, all three shifts. She forced me to do most of her work for the same pay that I had been making. She blamed me for the actions of others and would “discipline” me for it. I was 29 years old with ulcers, high blood pressure and constant migraine headaches. I never saw my son and had to rely on others to take care of him for me because I was always at work. I had NO life outside of work and could think of NOTHING else even outside of work. I finally stepped down from being a manager and went to my previous position. I now have no problem telling people no when I cannot or just don’t want to do something. I have applied this knowledge to all aspects of my life and am extremely happy and in much better health. EVERYONE needs to become familiar with this very valuable word!
Mandy S.
August 16th, 2007 at 8:50 am
Mandy ~
What an excellent example of how “no” can set you free!! I am so glad that you were able to find a way to be happier and healthier in you life.
With Empowering Regards,
Tonya
August 20th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Tonya,
This is a very valuable lesson and one I think is especially hard for mothers to adapt themselves too. We are born nurturers, however, I think we often forget that doesn’t mean we have to become enablers of others. I know that we mean well in our “helping” efforts however that usually doesn’t help the situation for the other person and we end up more tired and create less time for ourselves.
I have been in this situation several times in my life as well, however, I have learned in the last year, that by saying no and setting boundaries with others allows them to live their life and I can live mine.
Thanks for the great post!
Sincerely,
Teresa