How many times have you said, “My husband makes me so mad!” or something similar? Chances are that you might have said that a lot in your life. It is the easiest way to convey what we are feeling at the time. It is simpler to blame others, because then we do not have to ask, “Why did I choose to be mad”. The truth is that no one can make us feel anything that we do not chose to. No one can “make us” do anything.

Sometimes we are on autopilot not consciously choosing our emotional responses; it is just an automatic. We all have patterns that we fall into and that pattern often has an automatic responses coupled with it. Most of the time these patterns are used defensively as a way to avoid unwanted feelings or situations.

For example, a person that wants to avoid feeling let down all the time may use an emotional response of being disbelieving at the hopes of good events. Choosing to be disbelieving, is used to keep that person from feeling excited or hopeful it is used as a defense mechanism, “because if I do not believe that it’s going to happen then I will not have to feel let down if it doesn’t.”

Patterns stay patterns even when no longer needed to shield us from the unwanted, until we chose to break them. If you have a pattern that you need to break, the first step is recognizing it and working on it from there.

Do you have a pattern that you want to break? What is it?

Ask yourself, “Why am I choosing this pattern?” and “What will I gain from breaking this pattern?”

Do not let negative patterns prevent you from moving towards something that you want in your life. Get to the core of what caused this pattern and then make the choice to move on in your life without it.

When you start to understand why you make the emotional responses and start breaking negative patterns, you will have a better understanding about who you are and what you really want in your life.

Maybe the kids playing on the playground chanting, “You can’t make me!”, actually have it right. Start to get to know the “why” behind your emotional responses. Identify your patterns and always remember you have the power of choice. Then like those kids on the playground you can proudly say, “You can’t make me, either!”

© Copyright 2006 Tonya Ramsey